Saturday, July 7, 2012

The Pursuit of Imperfection

So, I've been having some issues with my lastest WIP. I think about the story all the time, and I feel like I have a good grasp of the characters. But when I open up my word processor, I go blank. I may write a few sentences, but then I delete them. They feel false, not as good as they could be. They aren't perfect. And from that fear of what could be, or in my mind what should be, I close the window, convinced that I'll have a better shot later today, tomorrow, next week. And that's how I've avoided writing for the last few weeks.

However, I think I've found the key. I stumbled across the software, Write or Die, while surfing the blogs of some writers I follow. I was familiar with it, and with Nanowrimo, who promotes its use. During Nanowrimo in high school, the same phrase was repeated over and over. "The point is just to get something down. You can't edit what isn't there."

Feeling a little better, I set the 30 minute timer on Kamikazi mode. That means that if I were to stop writing for more than a few seconds, my words would be deleted, one by one, by the program. Talk about inspiration to keep typing. The first 30 minutes flew by, with more than 1,000 words. Woah. I'd never typed so much in such a small span of time. When I read over what I'd done, I realized that there were some elements that had sprung up that I hadn't originally intended for. However, these new leads strengthened the overall mood of the novel.

However, not all of the product was usable. Some of my sentences were clumsy. The same modifiers were used and used again. But it was a start. It was a new way of looking at my first chapter, in 300 more words. Not all of those words will stay. In fact, many of them will get whittled down during editing. But you can't edit what's not there.

After a few hours, I realized something I'd begun to do. I was intentionally writing some things, knowing that they would be removed. I would recognize a mistake, a misspelling, or something that no longer made sense. But I stuck with it, keeping the not-so-great old with the interesting new. It bumped up my word count, and helped me to decide more what my vision for the story was. The mistakes will be culled during editing, but I was no longer afraid to try something new, to sound a little silly. I made impromptu flashbacks, strange word structures, and things that would never appear in something I would want people to read.

This is much different than my modus operandi in the past. I would write a chapter, then send it to my closest friends, begging for praise. But what I've written now I feel I can show no one. I've never created so rough a draft. But that's okay. I made a few notes at the end of each chapter with some ideas I came up with as to the changing, and then I set it aside. I need to get it all down first, the good and the bad, then decide what I think is worth keeping, and what really needs to be removed. Then, I can have people look at it, telling me what they think works and what doesn't. But I will no longer be afraid of my own mistakes in the first draft. Because I know that so much of it is wrong on purpose. There will be no distinction, looking back, between accidents that make me question my ability and intentional inaccuracies. And that is a weight I will be happy to get off my chest.